We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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