Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize