Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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