Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
