Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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