No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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