please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
