Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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