sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
