the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
