I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
