Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
