my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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