Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
