I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
