Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Randomize
