I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
