I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
