belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
