my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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