Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
