so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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