Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
