Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
