So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
