Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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