i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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