if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
