respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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