I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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