Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
