1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We need to rekindle our bromance
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
