So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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