i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Randomize
