elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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