I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
