We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
