I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
