i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
