Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
either way he was missing a nipple.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
