I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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