So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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