Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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