I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
