OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
