On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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