Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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