Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm having to shit out rocks
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