if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
