rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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