I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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