alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
