I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
