Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
