i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you traded sex for a burrito?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize