it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
