Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
How does one acquire holy water?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
