Define "chronic" masturbator.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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