you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
