I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
