Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
